ife is going away slowly and slowly.
The best proof for this are the old photographs, the mirrors and the decrease in body’s strength.
The humans are spending lots of efforts in order to hide their age and not to look like the above description.

The cool, misty mornings are changing and they are leaving their places to strong winds.  The traffic that starts to flow in the early morning hours turns into a jam again in the morning hours. Life starts on the road.  During the rush hours even the opposite directions in the traffic are trying to live that fullness.
All the main roads and the side streets become blocked by the heavy traffic.

All the people who are very confident, who think that they have the right to do all kinds of things go under stress during the early morning hours. Stress is piled over  being late and earning one’s living.

This chaos which is defined by life itself  is forcing those who do not have something specific to do to stay at home.
Unfortunately, gloom and pessimism has wrapped them up.  Now, it is being understood much better that the bread is in the lion’s mouth (it is so difficult to earn one’s living). They are waiting with hope for the day that they’ll be hearing from the people that are close to them.  What they are waiting for is the news of a job…

The retired individuals are happy to have saved themselves a little bit from long, tiresome works from the depreciation that the years have brought along. They are watching those who start for work in the morning with a happy face.

Nothing, not a single power can take them away from their bed,  from the window through which they look and the warm room. In addition to these nothing can separate them from their newspaper and the TV through which they follow up the temporary excitements.
Maybe, they are fond of this life; they may be happy. However, there is one thing which they do not want to think of :
The anxiety that the other realm is coming closer…
It is clear that they are aware of  the fact that the end is coming near.
This must be the reason of their silence.

While I was thinking about these I have gone back to the years of my youth. I have checked the most remote corners of my memory and started to remember all the events of my life with all their details.
I wanted to scream with the joy of  victory.
The photographs that have been coloured with the memories followed one another.
I made a short, brief criticism of  myself.
I must say that  today, I have accepted  the points that the others have criticised in me.
I  have always taken the things that I have learned very seriously and not for granted.

Now, apart from the memories I cannot even notice the lovers who walk and jump towards  the grass hand in hand  overflowing with joy and pleasure while singing the songs which I do not  even understand. Their voices can be heard much much better  as they come closer…

How weak the years are making the individual and taking one this point.  The conscious does not have any age, but it is sad to say that the body has an age.  This fact which should not be forgotten shows itself in the related  circumstances…
Most probably the autumn of life is leaving with very elegant movements…

The weather is getting colder.

A little bit away from me a grandfather is taking care of  his grandchildren, he is baby sitting them. He considers this as his duty. It looks as if his grand children are his life energy.  It is evident that they are a source of  relief….

In front of  my eyes the man sweeping the streets is trying to do his job with utmost care.
Then, I  notice the small hut like thing behind me covered by plastic sheets.
I raise the  collar  of my trenchcoat and try not to see this scene and try not to think of  how the people are living in there.

At this hour of the morning, the vagabonds who have nothing to do and idle, dangerous men of the street who should be avoided are going to their silent places with the bottles in their hands.
They really are hard to understand.
I cannot understand the reason behind this. I do not know  why an individual deteriorates himself  so much.
I am even reluctant to say  ‘’how can this happen’’!

At this time of   the morning  I am watching  the things going around surrounded by the thoughts of my generation and the generation after mine. I am watching the realities which are being witnessed by most of  us, but about which we cannot really become aware of.

Istanbul- October 11^th 2000 
http://afyuksel.com